Ralph Simone Bio

My son and I were on our way to karate class when the instrument panel of my car flashed, Cruise Control Inoperative. Without hesitation I immediately went into problem solving mode, instructing my son to retrieve the owner's manual from the glove compartment, to look up the problem.

And then in a moment, that I really can't explain - I had an insight that maybe there was no problem with the car, but instead the universe was sending me a message to get out of cruise control in my life.

I posed the possibility of this being a message from the universe to my son, he was intrigued by the idea. Immediately the energy in the car shifted. We were no longer tense and upset about this "problem," we now had become curious as to where we might be doing things automatically, without conscious thought in our own lives.

So consider consciously making cruise control in your own life inoperative and begin to notice what shows up.   

While watching both of my children diligently perform their homework one evening, I couldn't help but conclude that homework provides each of us with our initial leadership practices.

Practice is defined as repeated performance or systematic exercise for the purpose of acquiring skill or proficiency. And as students of life, just as students in school we need to be consistent with our practice to manifest the intended results. One reason ongoing practice is important is because the body of knowledge regarding most any topic is constantly changing and growing - what got us here, won't get us there.

We need to be aware of and open to new ways of being and in order to internalize these new ways, we must be willing to engage in regular practice.

I define regular as daily and emphasize an integrated approach - which means practicing with the body, mind, spirit, and heart. I suggest a minimum of 90 minutes per day as a good starting point for practice in order to make it an internalized habit. Practices include meditation, yoga, exercise, reading, and spending quality time with key relationships.  

So what are you waiting for? The best way to get started is to start. 

Think about a time when you felt most free.When was it? What were your life circumstances? For me it was during my college days. Although I didn't own much then, in fact everything I did own fit comfortably into the 1968 Chevelle that I inherited from my grandfather. But this was a time when I was free to dream, free to go, free to choose whether I attend class or not.

It was a time of seemingly unlimited opportunity. While the job market wasn't great, that didn't seem to worry me much or take up any emotional or psychological space. Things worked out for most of us, probably because most of us were trusting the process of life.

It wasn't until a few years after college that I started to collect things and started the process of eroding my freedom. I collected all kinds of material things; cars, apartments, houses, bigger houses, nicer cars, and lots and lots of other stuff. The more stuff I have, the more stuff I have to keep track of, insure, and worry about. The more space I had as measured by square footage, the less space I had as measure by freedom.

So when am I going to start getting it? The next job, or house, or car, or boat, can never and has never ever given me what I already have - me.     

Perhaps my interest in meditation started with my own need to slow down and sit still and to just develop more patience for what is. Or maybe it is rooted in my need to be a peaceful being. But in the end my intention is to assist myself and others to gain perspective.

Sometimes in my search for health, happiness, and well being, I tend to make it more complicated and more difficult than it needs to be. So lately I have been focused on just a few things, each day and each week, that help keep me grounded.

MEDITATE - MOVE - MINGLE

MEDITATE - To sit quietly and do nothing, just for a few minutes, not with the goal of becoming more enlightened, but practicing heightened awareness.

MOVE - To exercise the body in ways that keep us flexible, strong, and fit.

MINGLE - To interact with others. We are social beings and socializing greases the skids for effective interdependence.     

So each day have the intention to set aside time to meditate, move, and mingle and begin to notice how it almost imperceptibly helps your being and doing.        

I was observing some casual conversation recently where everyone is doing great. The business is great, the family is doing well, just returned from a wonderful vacation, blah, blah, blah..... While I am confident that some of what people were exchanging was true, each of the interactions seemed to lack some level of authenticity. It is almost as if it is not okay for things to be not okay.

In my many years of coaching, it has become clear to me that many of us have not made friends with "what is" very often. We are so taken with the way we want things to be or think they should be that we have lost touch with reality. We spin it, explain it, and sanitize it so much that we are unable to recognize our true feelings. We keep moving so fast, continually spinning our story, that we often lose sight of who and where we are.

Somewhere along the line, we got sold a a bill of goods that in order to be happy you need to feel good all the time. While this is an excellent intention, part of really, really, feeling good means feeling everything. Lean into all of the feelings and sensations that you experience as you navigate through life. Pretending that any of these feelings do not exist causes us to get stuck and prevents us from making friends with the present moment.

I was having a conversation with a client recently regarding the topic of initiative. We were wondering about the ways in which we could create conditions by which people would take initiative. We kicked around a lot of ideas when it occurred to me that what I am looking for in people is for them to do whatever it takes.

Often when we think of doing whatever it takes we immediately go to working longer or working harder. And while that certainly can be the answer in some situations, doing whatever it takes, means just that. It is doing whatever is necessary for you and the situation that moment in time.

It could mean working late to meet a deadline, or leaving early to make a commitment you made to one of your loved ones. It could mean sleeping-in or getting up a few hours earlier. Maybe it means taking your full vacation this year or at least being willing to take a few days or a few hours off to gain the necessary perspective. It might mean asking for help or reaching out to someone who is in need of help.

It does not come with any pat answer, but is adaptable to the situation that is right in front of us at this time. It knows no rules or authority, the task or the relationship becomes the boss. Set the intention to do whatever it takes and trust your values and your intuition to guide you appropriately.    

Inspired action is action that is derived from the "why." It is strongly linked and influenced by our purpose and passions or reasons for being. It does not have to be a BIG step, but it does have to be a step forward, a baby step if you will. Think of it as something that is just right in front of you - the next thing.

Some tools or practices that can be utilized for taking inspired action include:

• Personal Mission Statement
• Intentions/Affirmations
• Weekly Planning
• Daily Prioritization and Execution

And, we must keep in mind that the reason that we are not doing what we said we want to do is because we are doing something else instead. What else are you doing and why? This question provides an excellent opportunity to use journaling as a way of heightening your awareness as to where you are focusing your attention and energy.

A question that may be useful to reflect upon is - "How do I stop what is stopping me?"

Begin by focusing on what you want and making sure why you want it.

Making anything stick requires going beyond the intellectual understanding to embodying the change through constant practice. It is with practice that we move through the four levels of learning ultimately ending up at the level of unconscious competence.

At this level of unconscious competence,  we have created the neural connections in such a way that we do not need to consciously think about it, it's automatic, So don't pick too many things to make stick. Focus on just a few things so that you can invest enough time practicing that it eventually becomes automatic.  

I was recently shaken by some tragic news. And while not all that familiar with the facts leading to this tragic event, I couldn't help but think of how many of us are battling silent demons each day. Sometimes these battles are so troubling that it becomes so difficult to look inside that we are tempted to keep ourselves busy with a host of activities.We focus on achieving in the physical world perhaps in an attempt to avoid dealing with the demons that haunt us from the inside. The more afraid we become of who we may be, we create walls and an illusion of who we think we are.

At the same time were are bumping up against a society who has been trained to make judgments. Many times these judgments are made with incomplete information. We are sometimes inclined to make judgements of others in our attempt not to look at ourselves and what we are capable of being or doing.

So what does all this mean? I am not really sure, but I think it is to encourage me, and all of us for that matter, to fully feel the  range of emotions associated with the trials and tribulations of daily life.   

Much of leadership success is based on one's ability to recognize the context of a situation and to adapt your behavior accordingly. Context agility is critical to long-term leadership success.

Context is also critically important in life success. Content without context is a sure recipe for failure and is the reason that many time management techniques just don't work. People are looking for ways to get more things into what for many of them is an already full schedule. They are looking for the next gadget or gimmick that will give them those few extra minutes to get one more thing done. But ultimately they just end up chasing their tails. While there is no quick fix, there is an easy answer to be, do, and have everything that you want. The answer is weekly planning.

I was introduced to this concept many years ago by the FranklinCovey organization and have since refined my own system of weekly planning that has yielded tremendous results. Weekly planning fills the void that many of our clients seem to have, the context or direction for all of their activities, planned or otherwise. It helps bridge the gap between their long-term vision and their day-to-day activities. in effect it helps us to "slow down to go faster."

Weekly planning starts with a review of your purpose and values and may even include a glimpse of your vision board if you have one. This review creates the proper context for drawing up your weekly plan. The next step is setting or reviewing your intentions and/or affirmations. This step signals your intentions to the universe and begins to attract vibrations that are in harmony with your intentions. From there it is important to plan and schedule renewal activities,daily and weekly renewal in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of our lives. Energy renewal often gets sacrificed for "getting things done," however we need higher resonating energy to attract our intentions. The last context setting activity is the setting of VITAL goals. VITAL goals are; Verifiable, Inspiring, Time-Bound, Actionable, and Limitless. Two or three VITAL goals per week are more than enough.

Once you have invested time in creating the context for your week, now it is time to block out time to spend supporting your intentions, renewal, and goals. It is important that your actions and choices be in alignment with your purpose and values. Lastly ask yourself the question - "What can I delegate, automate, or eliminate from my schedule?"

As you commit to this weekly leadership practice you will ultimately become unconsciously competent in reaching your dreams and goals.         

Nothing changes if nothing changes. And the most important thing that needs changing from time to time is our thinking, While behavior and action are important, they are not even close to being as important as your thoughts and feelings.

It is these thoughts and feelings that inhibit or enhance future growth and development. Unfortunately these thoughts are so deeply ingrained that they cause us to become consistently unconsciously incompetent.

So it is imperative that if we want to change and succeed we must be willing to learn and unlearn some things that are no longer resourceful or perhaps were never resourceful in the first place.

Pay close attention to who and what you are listening to. Are the people you are listening to successful in the areas that you are listening to them in?

Ask yourself some important questions:

What is it that you want and more importantly why do you want it?

Once you have answered these questions begin to research who has done what you intend on doing, really, really well. Find them and begin modelling their thoughts and habits.   

I was re-listening to a course that I participated in a few years ago with Jerry Stocking. The subject of the course was intuition, an area that I was intending on developing or connecting with more strongly.

I had what seemed to be many "aha" moments throughout the three day course, however the concept that I resonated with the most was that of being open to opening. The idea that having a predisposition to anything in particular leaves everything else out, was revolutionary as well as a bit mind boggling. By constantly trying to anticipate, think of, or predict what's next, I was preventing any opportunity or opening to notice the intuitive nudges that surrounded me all of the time.

It took me awhile to get myself comfortable with the idea that I was either so consumed with stuff and plans  that I was unable to hear my intuition or when I did actually create enough space for it to surface - it was extremely inconvenient to what I had planned.  

Experiment with creating more space in your life and then notice and appreciate the wonderful gift of intuition  

Ever since I was a young kid, I was fascinated with how things got created. And while I never was really good at doing it myself, I was intrigued with the process of having an idea and eventually turning that idea into something tangible.

Fast forward approximately forty years or so and once again I have become a student of the creation process. Ever since I heard, that from idea to creation becomes faster and faster the less resistance there is, I was hooked again.

I've read, studied, experimented and continue to have modest success with manifestation. I think it is still only modest because of the resistance that I create by getting impatient with the time frame or believing that it can only work on small things. But as you may know, I am manifesting exactly according to my current belief system.

So how does it work? While I am still not absolutely sure, but I would like to explain the Creation Cycle as it has worked for me and perhaps how it can work for you, as long as you are willing to suspend whatever disbelief you may have.

The process starts with reflection - take time to reflect on all the things that you are grateful for in your life. This heart felt appreciation for all of your blessings serves as a magnet for attracting other things that you want to create. With that good feeling of appreciation in place, set an intention for whatever else you want to manifest in your life. Next get quiet frequently so that you are able to hear those intuitive nudges for inspired action. After this the only thing left to do is to wait and trust the process of manifestation.     

"Simplify, simplify, simplify, make the affairs of your life number one and two." - Henry David Thoreau

So what do you  think Thoreau means by this? I don't think he literally means one or two. However this sage advice from the 19th century philosopher may be quite timely for those of us in the 21st century who are trying to manage what seems to be an inordinate amount of things and relationships.

For me the one or two things means focusing on my purpose, my passion, my health, and my close relationships. While the arrival of the information age and the Internet have been quite useful, this unlimited supply of choices makes it tempting for us to lose focus and to complicate our lives. We are faced with too many interests, activities, and relationships to effectively manage.

The more we have, the more we have to manage and worry about. Simplifying doesn't mean withdrawing from life, it means engaging in it in a new, vibrant, and focused way.  

A few weeks ago I wrote briefly about getting rid of non essentials - today's blog is another opportunity for each of us to take stock in what is truly essential and to simplify our lives in ways that truly enhance them.  

The word surrender often times implies giving up, or perhaps giving in, and the negative connotations associated with quitting. But what I think we are really doing when we surrender is stopping the ego from resisting "what is."

When we surrender, we stop the struggle and the fight and we turn the issue over to our higher Self, our Source energy. This is the part of us that never changes and it is the part that connects us to the rest of the Universe and its intelligence.

It is at this point of surrendering or allowing things to be as they are, that other things begin to open up for us. By letting go of the struggle we are able to see things from a larger and different perspective, which is all we ever really need to get unstuck.     

I was listening to a radio broadcast of Car Talk on Saturday, when the question of when and how to use your directionals came up. The controversy was between a husband and wife, and the wife called the experts hoping for support.

The husband was adamant about not needing to signal his intention when weaving in and out of traffic. His spouse felt that signaling was necessary at all times. You will need to listen to a rebroadcast of the show to hear from Click and Clack.However it did get me thinking about the necessity or benefit of signaling our intentions to others. If you consider it from a driving perspective - using our directionals does at least two things. It conveys our intentions as well as preparing other drivers to be able to proactively respond to our intentions.

What a concept - taking time to proactively think about what we want to manifest in our lives and then taking time through reflection, planning, and communication to signal these intentions to key stakeholders for support and accountability.

What are your intentions for the day/week/year and how are you signaling these intentions to the universe and others so that your intentions can be fully supported?  

I had a wonderful opportunity to share my perspectives on an integrated approach to leadership to a group of college juniors and seniors recently. It was inspiring to see their energy and interest for the topic, particularly their interest in the role of spirituality in leadership.

Sometime during our conversation, I realized that everything I was sharing with them was really about the things I am in the process of learning and mastering. We teach what we need to learn.

I also noticed that the relevance of this discovery was rooted in love and compassion. When I take the time to remember that each of us are perfectly where we need to be on our journey, including myself, I am in a better position to see them cleanly, less judgmentally, and can effectively support them stepping further into their pre-ordained greatness.

Each of us was sent here with unique gifts and for a divine purpose. Be kind to yourself and consistently reflect upon both your blessings and lessons. 

I remember sharing with my parents my plans to become a coach some years ago. Their immediate response was, "what sport?" Having coached youth soccer and baseball over the years, I could understand their difficulty in comprehending just what a professional or executive coach actually does. My eleven year old daughter recently described what I do to one of her friends as "my dad talks to people and owns things." So you can see the difficulty that sometimes could exist in the market place not only regarding what coaching is, but more importantly how it adds value.

I think part of the confusion regarding coaching in organizations is actually caused by the similarities with coaching in sports. In both arenas the coach is tasked with teaching and guiding people to realize their full potential. The assumption is that we all have capabilities beyond where we are performing, and a coach, an outside perspective, can help us become more aware of the things that we believe and don't believe that are perhaps inhibiting our performance. 

A coach asks questions to get you to think about or to think more broadly about your situation and challenges. A coach offers their perspective as a way to perhaps shift yours and challenges you to take action. Most importantly the coach provides you with the BIG eye, observing your thinking and behavior while teaching you to develop your own self observation skills. 

A coach does not "fix" you, but provides a container of trust and openness where you can safely experiment with practices that help you step further into your greatness. I can think of no greater value add.   

"Soft skills," almost akin to the "sick sense," the reference made by some people who do not fully appreciate intuition. Almost by definition referring to any skill as soft almost seems to marginalize it. And some hard charging analytical types spend so much time diminishing these skills because in their minds they can't be measured. But they can! Perhaps not in the traditional sense of measurement, but the trust index is high with leaders who have invested time to master what I refer to as the "hard skills."

The ability to inspire followers, collaborate across functional boundaries, and to dialogue about strategy and change are not "checklist skills." Leaders who are able to do these three things engender trust and a culture that creates conditions for empowerment. Creativity and innovation flourish because there is a congruency between what is said and done. You don't have to measure it, you just have to feel and experience the energy.

What type of a culture are you creating? How much time are you investing in becoming inspirational, collaborative,and learning how to dialogue?

Less is more. More space allows room for new ideas, insights, and inspirations to surface. We seem to be cultivating a culture where more is better; more stuff, more commitments, more activities, just a lot more to manage and keep track of. Yet at times, when we are taking a breath, we realize at the core of who we really are, that this pace, this stuff, this crazy schedule is causing us to miss life.

It is time to return home - to begin to realize that we are truly spiritual beings having a physical experience and not the other way around. We must remember that each of these physical experiences is a knock on the door of awakening to who we are and what life really is about. It is our personal invitation to leave the world of illusion by surrendering to the truth.

I am not against enjoying the material objects of our physical experience. I particularly enjoy driving nice cars, dressing well, and enjoying interesting parts of the world. However it is important for me to remember that while these things can enhance my journey, they are not the essence of the journey itself.